How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
