dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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