real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
