she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
