A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
