we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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