i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
