I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I want to make a zoo with you.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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