I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize