Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
organizing the empties. That sober.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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