she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
