I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
