Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
