Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
