I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
