If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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