There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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