I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
