Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Randomize
