How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
