Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
