The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
