he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
