I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
