We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize