we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
