it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize