I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
