Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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