I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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