he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
