due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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