i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
