Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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