If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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