He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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