he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
