Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
