This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize