Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
