i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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