Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
