Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
