I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
