Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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