okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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