You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
