Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize