just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize