He disabled his match.com account in front of me
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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