i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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