have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
