I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
