so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
