she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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