You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
tonight lets celebrate not being married
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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