Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
