bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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