Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
